The "road hog" in front of you on Main Street is a farmer's combine. The local phone book has only one yellow page. Third Street is on the edge of town. You leave your jacket on the back of the chair in the cafe, and when you go back the next day, it's still there, on the same chair. You don't signal turns because everyone knows where you're going, anyway. No social events can be scheduled when the school gym floor is being varnished. You call a wrong number and they supply you with the correct one. Everyone knows all the news before it's published; they just read the hometown paper to see whether the publisher got it right. The city limits signs are both on the same post! The City

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!

What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence? Utter destruction.

What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper.

So, this guy walks into a bar. And says, "ouch".

If the opposite of pro is con, isn't the opposite of progress, congress?

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the ocean? Bob!

I went to a wedding the other day. Two antennas were getting married. It wasn't much of a wedding ceremony, but it was one heck of a reception!

There's this dyslexic guy... he walked into a bra...

Joel: "How's the progress on new house that you are building Pete?" Peter: "Things are really slow at the moment." Joel: "Yeah, I guess all this rain would be putting a dampener on things..."

A white horse walked into a bar. The barman saw him and said, "We have a whiskey named after you!" The horse looked puzzled and said, "What, Eric?"

There was a dyslexic insomniac agnostic. He laid awake all night wondering if there really was a Dog.

What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? A start.